This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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