I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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