How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
then he tried to convert me to islam
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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