You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
