that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize