google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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