put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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