Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
this will be a night to untag.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
