i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
