Me. At least after what I've been through.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
