I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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