meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
