Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
