that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize