and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Actions speak louder than pants.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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