I wannas sexs uuuuu
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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