Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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