I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
