I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
