Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
