WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
