well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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