I think I died a long time ago.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
