There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
