She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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