My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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