What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize