Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
