Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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