i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
