So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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