When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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