We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize