What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
