I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Don't make out with my wife yet
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
