i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Randomize
