Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize