McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
