people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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