well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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