I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
