my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize