omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
