I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
