I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
