HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
