The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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