Have you finally orgasmed yet?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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