Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
