I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
