i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
