Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
