12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just gargled with NyQuil
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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