I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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