I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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