I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You can't special order awesome
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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