Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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