Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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