Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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