I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize