Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He shit in the fireplace
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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