Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
