I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
