You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
this boner is exhausting
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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