how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
