he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
