I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
