google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
When did angry sex become our thing?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
