when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize