oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
