so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You pole danced in your parka.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize