He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
