I must be too annoying 4 u.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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