even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
