I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
