You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
