When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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