Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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