You can't motorboat a personality
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
