i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize