my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
