toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize