Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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