Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
