Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
