Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
