I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
